Organization XVI
by Unborn Lord Xion
Summary: Three mysterious people have arrived at the World That Never Was, and Xemnas and Saix have a chat about it, while witnessing the destruction this new force has wrought upon their group.
1. Strange New World

"Saix."

"Yes, Master Xemnas?" the blue-haired Nobody said, looking up from a pile of papers dissecting the nature of the Heart. His mouth thinned ever so imperceptibly as he saw that Xemnas had flecks of glitter in his hair.

"You have noticed our new arrivals, I assume," Xemnas said icily, giving no hint that he was staring at the red bow in Saix's hair.

"You mean the three new Nobodies."

"Yes. Hikarix, Sum...Sumyx...the one with streaks in her hair, and..." Xemnas pursed his lips, reflected momentarily that Saix already respected him enough not to care if he couldn't pronounce the third new comer's name, and said simply, "And the other one."

"I have, yes," Saix muttered, a shadow of irritation flashing across the hollow spot where his heart once sat.

"I don't know if I like this."

"Sir?"

"They may be Human Shaped Nobodies, yes," Xemnas drawled, sitting down opposite Saix and clearly getting comfortable for a nice long ramble. "And they're quite powerful, I'll admit. Hell, they even have multiple elements. But...the girls," he said so derisively enough that Larxene, should she be in earshot, would count herself unincluded. "They seem unable of going five paces when in the presence of VI, VIII, IX, or XIII without being swamped by only a few Shadows. And this is not to mention the decline in productivity the aforementioned members have shown since the two found themselves at our Doorstep quite unannounced."

"Indeed."

"And alright, so..._the boy_ gets his work done, and he could probably take three of us in a fight. But he refuses to wear uniform! And he spends more time cutting and primping his hair than doing any actual work. And how can one person have so much metal in their face and still manage to get catcalls from passing princesses? It's astounding!"

"Mmm."

"But you know the worst part?" he asked, clearly rhetorically. Interrupting Xemnas during a monologue, as Demyx had taught the group, got you three weeks on cleaning duty with the Berserkers. "The absolute worst? I can't even _find_ Lexaeus or Vexen anymore! And when I do, Lexaeus seems to have lost easily 75 of his brain, and Vexen is leering at his Repliku! It's insanity, Saix, simple insanity. And I won't even mention that all Luxord seems to do these days is play poker or solitaire."

Saix nodded vaguely.

"But that's _still_ not the worst part, Saix. You know what _really_ is the worst part?"

"Sir?"

"I found your planner, Saix. You left it in the Room of Neverlasting Echoes. And do you know what was inside it?"

Saix quirked an eyebrow, face as impassive as always.

"Tuesday. 7:00. Rape Demyx. 8:00. Rape Roxas. 9:00. Rape Axel. 10:00. Tea. 11:00. Rape _ME_."

There was a terrible pause.

"I don't have a planner, sir."

"I know."

"Then why...?"

"Your name was on it."

"Ah."

Another pause. Xemnas drummed his fingers lightly on the table. Saix flipped a page.

"I wish the Keyblade master would hurry up and kill us all already."

"Agreed."


	2. Meet the Family

"Things are still...wrong, Saix."

Again disturbed from his philosophical treatises, Saix look up placidly, the red bow present in his hair last week now replaced by two pink ones and a bunny shaped beret. There were bags under his golden eyes, just like the ones under Xemnas' orange ones.

"Sir?"

"I thought seeing your Rape Diary was bad enough. I was wrong."

Saix's eye twitched ever so slightly. Aside from the tea, that had been nothing like him at all.

"Mm?"

"The Three are still here," he growled, and Saix knew the word "Three" was capitalized from his inflection alone. Only they, who were still in their right minds, seemed to recognize that misbegotten trio for what it was. The Three.

"I noticed," Saix muttered, eyes very much not flickering to the smattering of glitter on Xemnas' shoulders or the pink trim on his gloves.

The longer the two females were in the Castle, the more things seemed to change in such a way. Saix wasn't sure if they were actively doing it while people slept which he doubted, as the last time someone had snuck into his room while he had slept, it had taken three weeks to clean the walls of his chambers successfully, or if it was simply their natural aura. Perhaps that was their _true_ element, albeit the fact that all three commanded fire, and some mixture of wind, water, lightning, darkness, and "Cherry Blossoms" seemed more than enough.

"And...I think you need to come with me, Saix."

"Sir?"

"Just follow."

They stepped outside atop the Spire of Forgotten Dreams and Xemnas pointed off towards the horizon. Saix, basking in the sickly yellow glow of Kingdom Hearts, stepped forward to the edge of the wall and stared. He blinked once, twice, screwed up his eyes, shook his head, and looked again. It wasn't his imagination.

Xigbar was really surfing in mid-air.

Saix didn't know where he got the surfboard or, for that matter, the Hawaiian-print trunks, he just knew that this was extremely odd. Xigbar, for all his eccentricities, had never been so frivolous as this with his powers. He spent most of his days cataloging physics or keeping his shooting in top form. Not using the flow of gravity to make...

"Choice waves, dude!" the one-eyed Nobody called, banking close to the Spire. "Dude, you should totally hop a board, dude. 'Cha, fer sure."

As he swept away, Saix leaned in closer to Xemnas.

"Has he suffered...head trauma?"

"No. This came on quite suddenly and without cause. Distressing, isn't it?"

"Very."

"Follow. It gets worse."

A plume of heady, acrid smoke billowed out of the Chamber of Dying Echoes, causing Saix's eyes to narrow and his lungs to burn slightly. It made him feel...dizzy, and was wholly an unwelcome sensation.

"'Ey, mon, come for a toke?"

Saix blinked. _That_ was an unfamiliar accent.

"Or do I have to cut ya, bitch? Well, G, gonna narc on me?"

"Xemnas...?"

All of a sudden, the broad form of Xaldin burst forth from the cloudy room, and slammed Saix bodily against the wall. A small, rolled cigarette dangled from his lips, and in one gloved hand was a large blade, similar to the one that topped his lances.

"XALDIN STAB NOW!"

"I think not."

Xemnas watched in dry amusement as Saix brought the Whirlwind Lancer effortlessly to the ground. From where he lay, Xaldin muttered a weak, "Xaldin rape now?" before passing out.

"That...was not Xaldin," Saix said curtly, flipping a stray lock of hair over his shoulder before flexing his fingers, knuckles crackling like firecrackers from the Land of Dragons. "Surely that was some face-stealing monstrosity, unleashed from a dark world."

"There is more. Come."

Saix, as always, obeyed.

"Git off my lawn!"

Saix retreated as a large book came flying at his head, eyes stretched unusually wide. The door to Vexen's lab slammed shut, and just barely through the thick barrier, Saix could hear the scientist's words.

"Now commere, you purty little whippersnapper..."

"Yes, Master Vexen," the Repliku replied.

Saix shuddered.

"He's...so old."

"Yes."

"But, normally..."

"He was only 10 years older than I before the fall. Now, he seems to be closer to a grandfatherly age."

"More?"

"Yes."

Lexaeus' room was empty, save for the ruins of what had once been his admittedly sparse decorations. A barbell had pierced the door, and Saix clucked dismissively.

"Still missing?"

"Haven't seen him in weeks."

"Shame. I rather liked him."

"A good man. A good scientist. And the man knew how to monologue."

"Quite."

"It's so...dark."

Indeed, what had once been Zexion's lair now appeared to be a shrine devoted to The Darkness or so it said, and the owner of the room himself was lying at the base of a statue that resembled one of the Three. Xemnas had long ago forgotten which was which, having done his best to purge them from his mind.

"Why won't you love meeee," the Cloaked Schemer crooned, running a straight razor across his wrists.

"He appears...suicidal."

"Yes, that seems to be the case," Xemnas sighed, waving a hand loosely at fifteen bottles of pills and a noose hanging from the ceiling.

"Always struck me as a more...tenacious soul."

"My beloved, " Zexion cried weakly, before turning to face Xemnas.

In an instant, his face lit up, a sight so odd it made Saix flinch slightly.

"XEMMY!" the man squealed, launching himself at the Superior. In an instant, he was pinned against the wall with two furiously glowing beams of energy, one beneath each arm. "Xemmyxemmyxemmy can I have some caaaaaaaaaandy?"

"Seal the door," Xemnas snarled, and Saix nodded, shutting it quickly.

As he stepped away, Zexion started singing again. Saix neither knew nor cared what was crawling in his skin, and he dearly hoped no wounds would heal until this mess was over.

"Roxas, got it memorized? Roxas, got it memorized? Roxas, got it memorized?"

"He hasn't said _anything_ else."

"MY HIPS DON'T LIE."

"...Except that. And Saix, stop smirking. It _isn't_ funny."

"Cheese llama exploding squiddlydink?"

"Um..."

"I AM ELECTRIC JESUS!"

"Let's go Xemnas, before _he_ starts singing, too."

"We are the knights who say - oh god! My knee! You broke my knee! Ow, shit, what the hell did you do that for?"

"Saix, don't break Demyx."

"Fine."

"Ring ring ring, bananaphone!"

"...Okay, maybe a little."

Saix's eye twitched slightly as he looked into Luxord's room.

"Is he..."

"Yes."

"Playing strip poker..."

"Yes, Saix."

"With himself?"

"So it would seem."

"Oh, a good play, Charlice. Guess I shall have to offer up my boxers! Oh, and would you like a crumpet?"

"This is by far the most disturbing thing I have ever seen."

"Let us never speak of it again."

"Oh, Saix, Saix, Saix, those bows are _all wrong_ for your hair! Here, let me get you something in lavender, yes lavender would suit you nicely, would compliment your complexion perfectly, oh and perhaps some pumps too, yes, you could use a little more fashion, all that black black black is so _depressing_..."

"Xemnas! Get him off of me!"

"Yes, I insist you just take that cloak right off, Saixy-kun"

"And make him _stop winking at me_!"

Saix took one look inside Larxene's room, saw enough black leather to last even _him_ a life time, a whip, and Namine chained to a chair, and slammed the door. Behind him, he heard her yell, "Get out of here you fucking _man_!"

"No more, Xemnas."

"Just the one."

In one hand, Saix held a photograph of Axel. The other was placed against Roxas' forehead. Try as he might, the boy could only flail his arms outward. His Keyblades were nowhere to be seen and, Xemnas mentally thought, neither was his spine.

"This should not be as fun as it is," Saix sneered.

"Gimme my Aku-chaaaaaaaaan," Roxas cried, tears flecking his eyes that were entirely too big and blue.

At last, they returned to the Library of Unwritten Tomes. Xemnas sat down in one of the plush black leather armchairs that Saix planned on asking to be reupholstered. Pursing his lips, Xemnas said, "Well?"

"We need to do something," Saix said, plainly.

"Obviously. Do you have any suggestions? Because I really don't know what to do about thi - where _are_ you going, VII?"

Saix, hand halfway to the doorknob, turned and smiled in a way that made Xemnas' blood turn to ice.

"It's a full moon," he purred. "And I have a village to terrorize."

His teeth weren't supposed to be that sharp.


End file.
